Sometimes they call me Richard
Sometimes heydude
Sometimes they call me rickylicky
I don't know what my name is.

I shall distinguish them
As the one with the high miaow
& the one with the low miaow
High one and Low one for short

There's no other way
To tell them apart
Pink skin, 2 legs, very large
And every day a different camouflage

Now when I say they're large,
That's only half the story
Half the time there's just well . . .. these heads
Poking out of a big bag of feathers

I know it sounds odd
But I assure you  it's true
For 8 hours a day their bodies disappear
And there's only these heads poking out

But it's ok with me
I love the bag of feathers
I just curl up and sleep on it
It's really soft and cuddly

Generally speaking they don't purr
But sometimes when they're in the feathers,
The low one purrs loudly
Quite often it's so loud I can't even sleep

There's 2 things I'm unhappy with
First of all, they don't like my presents
I'll spend all day catching them a present
Then they shout at me and throw it outside

My second complaint is the poison
Every 2 months or so they try it on
Shoving this stuff down my throat
It tastes like nothing you've ever tasted before

But I know what they're up to
So I just pretend I've swallowed it
Then when they've gone, I spit it out
They always seem to pick a time I'm already feeling sick

…. To be continued